Rules can spoil an atmosphere, but to reduce our disappointment at a minority’s behaviour, you might like to consider the following:

Smoking has been illegal in parties like this since 2005. The penalty is a £20,000 fine and closure of the parties. We supply a gazebo by the kitchen back door for such chemical dependants. The loft dungeon is absolutely a no-smoking zone. Exit difficulty, distractions and flammability should make this obvious to all but the criminally insane. The grounds are not an ashtray. Please seek out the nearest proper one to dispose of any cigarette ends.

Please leave gum at home or at least stick it somewhere it can be easily removed. Much of it is in our written-off carpets. Would you do that in your own home?

We now have the technology to remove even red wine stains from carpets, so you can drink upstairs. If you must take drinks into the pool or hot tub, take extreme caution or a plastic cup. A broken glass can do horrible damage to a foot. Some common sense health and safety rules apply in the pool and are on a couple of clear signs.

People at these parties have stronger relationships than most. It is bad etiquette to attempt to date someone behind his or her partner’s back. Do not hide used condoms.

If your partner suffers from kleptomania please frisk them before leaving. Favourite souvenirs include expensive bottles of drink, cds (software from the computer as well as music), dvds, videos and cameras (or is it camerae?) A couple of mobile phones get separated from their owners each year. Photographing proceedings is banned, so leave mobile phones in your car for every ones’ sakes.

Simple arithmetic will show that there are not enough rooms for small groups to barricade doors shut behind them. There are plenty of cosy dark corners in the loft. Taking the loft ladder off its hinges to prevent others ascending (yes. people have done that!) has the downside that you will be trapped aloft! Sexual safety is your own affair, so come equipped , though we have a gross of dubiously dated ones if you run out . The helping team wonder why those staying over don’t always balance value by at least leaving the room they slept in cleared away and free of debris.

2 Comments on “Rules”

    1. Hi Stewart

      Single guys at Radlett parties.

      Thanks for your interest in attending soon. The next one is on Friday 21/2. We find the most comfortable ratio is one single guy per lady or couple so target that. However, noshows are usually gender skewed so the actual ratio can vary from that target. On more than one occasion we had more single ladies than single guys. The reverse is more common. We are much more interested in the parties being enjoyable than door contributions. It is usual to turn down dozens of guys each month to achieve that ratio. However we are not procurers and make no undertakings that noshows won’t skew the ratio. That is beyond our control. One guy once asked for his contribution back because no ladies fancied him. To have done so would be illegal as it would accept our selling access to intimacy which is the offence of ‘living off immoral earnings’. If that could be you please go somewhere else. Loads of bukkake venues will be happy to perform a walletectomy on you in return for access to paid prostitutes. This gender balance is tough to achieve if people don’t come when they say they will. So please answer the following questions seriously and not just as an ‘options collector’. We look forward to receiving back your answers if you can share the risk of missing the target ratio with us and can budget the £50 contribution to enormous wear and tear of our £5m home.

      To target the gender ratio we rank applicant guys according to the types the ladies and couples have asked for in the current month and send out invitations according to that ranking as the couples and ladies commit. We understand if some guys have made other plans by then but this is better than accepting dozens of guys before there are ladies and couples to match. So please don’t send irritable texts chasing us for an invitation. Doing it our way reduces the chance of male overload. Because noshows wreck parties those who can prepay online get precedence. Your submission of answers to the appended questionnaire signifies application to join the party and acceptance of these terms of entry:

      The owners use all reasonable endeavours to target a comfortable gender ratio but will be held blameless if noshows cause that target to be missed.

      Guests undertake not to vandalise any part of our home for any reason (yes they have done that).

      Guests shall behave in a manner to be welcomed back and shall accept the hosts remedy for that not happening without question.

      Guys must be prepared to bring their partners here when they next have one. Our home is not a brothel for guys to join with who they consider to be ‘fallen women’.

      Even though you may have already given some of the following please help us by grouping all in your reply and attach a facial photograph.

      Do you accept the above terms of entry?
      been before?
      how long ago?
      In what % of commitments to party do you actually show?
      are you prepared to pay in advance by bank transfer (doubles chance of being invited)?
      country of cultural origin?

      We look forward to hearing back from you.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.